Left Behind

Sometimes it takes a lot to inspire my writing. I need to quiet myself, fast for a day or so, pray, fill my head with Christian music, pray some more and then concentrate. Other times, it just hits me like a ton of bricks. When I came across this photo on a friend's webpage http://flickr.com/photos/36471314@N00/, God spoke volumes to me through this image.

I see this photo of dead corn, and I am in awe. The color captures my senses. The image fills my head. The fact that the corn is pointing downward like it is depressed, lifeless and therefore worthless....how often have I felt this way? The PICTURE says 'DEAD', the photographer gives it life.

Upon further investigation of the subject, you will see that it is indeed a sunny day. The shadows imply it is the end of the day- but there is still sun. An optimist may assume it is sunRISE not sunSET. You will also notice that there are kernels on the cob. Those kernels are life-giving. If a deer, squirrel or bird eats those kernels, it will sustain them for another day. You see the husks protecting those nuggets of nourishment from the elements so they can cling to the cob until they are needed.

During the times when I have felt dead, depleted, and at the sunset of my day, I know that I still have as much worth as this cob of corn. I know that God is there to protect me from the harsh elements and keep my treasures from being stolen or wasted before their time. I know that I still have something to offer the world, even when I feel useless and dead.

One of my dearest spiritual mentors was lying in her hospital bed dying of cancer when she was visited by the clergy on call. I retreated to the corner of the room to allow them time together and witnessed something that will live with me forever. He did his duty, prayed for her and turned to leave. Before he did, she asked if she could pray for HIM. She took his hands in her own and thanked God for his presence there despite the dinner hour and his family duties. She acknowledged his service and prayed for his blessing. As she spoke, he began to cry ( I did also). He explained that his duties that night had been mechanical and her witness to him provided him with the refreshment he needed to renew his faith, not only for that day, but for coming days. As she died, she gave back life.

It only takes the right person to see the light in others...to acknowledge their gifts...to see them for what they ARE, not what they appear. Beauty, purpose and worth can be found in the harshest of places, under the worst of circumstances...one need only look through the eyes of God.

Mansions in Heaven

Visualize, if you will, a splendid mansion. This mansion is grand and majestic. It implies that it's occupants have money and power and wealth. When you see this mansion your jaw drops and your heart races. You dream of living in that mansion and benefitting from all that prestige. There are guards at the gates and landscaping that takes your breath away. Martha Stewart would feel like a pauper.

Now picture my house....900 square feet of pure hillbilly. It was built in the late 1800's I believe. The original house was a box that got added onto MANY times. During some of its renovation, we actually found old pants stuffed in the cracks for insulation (you can't make something like that up!!) The original wallpaper in the kitchen was German newspapers. I purchased this beauty when I was a single mom of a 1 year old. It was what I could afford (and only with the help of my father), but it was MINE. I paid less for my house than my neighbor paid for his SUV! I was so proud of this house. My mom helped me clear the yard. My boyfriend at the time had a chainsaw, and he knew how to use it. We carved a path through the overgrown underbrush and planted beautiful gardens. Over the years, I have made improvements to my abode, but I always have desired a log cabin.

My dream house is a splendid cabin, complete with rustic interior and exterior. I wanted deer antler chandeliers and 1/2 log staircases. Pa Ingalls could be my architect. Hand hewn lumber would be the foundation for MY castle. For years I worked toward this goal. I thought if only I could make enough money and save a little here and there, someday my dream would become a reality.

As the years went by, being a single mother who was determined not to live on welfare took its toll on my finances. No matter how hard I worked, my savings account balance didn't get higher. I finally married again, but with my new husband came new financial responsibilities. My new husband wasn't driven to success like I was, and it frustrated me. My life began to morph and change. We added another child to our list of dependents. We both worked, but then something happened.

God spoke.

Thank goodness my walk had strengthened enough to listen. At the time that God yelled in my ear, I was juggling a 50 hour a week home daycare business by day and doing a 20 hour a week direct sales business at night. I justified it by saying that I was home all day for my children, but when my oldest started school, I never saw her. Granted, she was only left with her grandmother or her step father, but it wasn't ME. The time I had to offer my children wasn't really quality or quantity.

It was hard for me to listen. I am driven. I am compelled to move forward. I cling to the line in the movie 'Mosquito Coast' with Harrison Ford...."Dead things float downstream mother. LIFE is upstream!" I wanted to advance...to gain. In listening to God, I realized that those things weren't as important as I had thought.

I gave up my second job. I tried to slow down. I learned to live with less. I became happier with my decisions. I let go of the dream of my log cabin. As I sit here in my cold kitchen whose windows are not finished out and whose floor is 1/2 concrete and 1/2 gross blue carpeting, I rest in the knowledge that my children and husband would rather have ME than a mansion on the hill (or log cabin as the case may be). At this very moment, I can look out 2 sides of my humble home with siding missing and see two stately houses being built, but in my heart, I know I am providing a HOME for my family, and it is easier to live here.

Besides, I know that I have a mansion waiting for me in heaven, and then there will be angels to clean it! I won't have to argue with anyone about the upkeep, and my lawns will be perfectly manicured without back aches and dirty fingernails! Thanks God!