Pantsititus
I've finally been diagnosed. My affliction is Pantsititus. I've never been able to put a name to this horrible disease until now. I have been plagued with physical symptoms since I was a teen. I find that I drool excessively when I encounter every day scents...such as Cinnabons and grilled steaks. I get annoying red creases from jeans that cut into my flab around my midsection. My heart palpitates every time I pass a full length mirror. (This has caused me to have to hang all of my mirrors at head height.) I make frequent trips to the bathroom. It causes a secondary emotional condition called "Fat Girl Syndrome" that is marked by an innumerable amount of delusions and misconceptions.
It's been debilitating. I can't wear certain types of clothing (such as swimsuits) or fabrics....spandex and lycra have become my worst enemies. I make concessions in my every day life to accomodate this crippling ailment. I avoid staircases and seek elevators and escalators because of achy joints.
My Pansititus has gone into remission on occasion. There were a few months in 1991 where my symptoms all but subsided and I was able to live my life in a normal fashion. Telltale paranoia about complete strangers laughing and pointing all but disappeared. In the fall of 2004 I thought I was cured all together. I never experienced the creases or the drooling for a period of months. My sagging self esteem returned and I enjoyed normal pleasures such as sitting in a chair with my legs tucked under my chin. I could cross my legs when sitting down since they weren't so swollen as to hinder that flexibility. When I passed a full length mirror, I didn't scream in horror....I actually sought them out on occasion to admire my symptom-free body.
Oh- the scars were still there.....emotionally and physically. You could see the red lines of stretch marks on my skin and I still got a little teary every time I watched Shallow Hal, but they were the tears akin to those of a recovering alcoholic who has just recieved their 1 year chip.
When the disease returns (as it inevidibly does), I attempt to make it less noticable by tanning my disfigured shape. It's like a pork chop on the grill...much more attractive when it is golden brown. Thing is, it's still a pork chop with all the fat and calories of the lily white one that was tossed over charcoal just a few minutes before! (But it DOES look more appetizing!)
I know the technology is out there to beat this disease....to send it into remission forever. I know all the 'drugs' to take to make the symptoms subside, but I also know, that as with so many other diseases, there is only one sure fire cure - prayer. During my times of remission, I know that I had leaned on the Lord for power and He willingly gave it to me. I know He wants me to be cured and happy and symptom free. All I need to do is ask and then follow.
It's been debilitating. I can't wear certain types of clothing (such as swimsuits) or fabrics....spandex and lycra have become my worst enemies. I make concessions in my every day life to accomodate this crippling ailment. I avoid staircases and seek elevators and escalators because of achy joints.
My Pansititus has gone into remission on occasion. There were a few months in 1991 where my symptoms all but subsided and I was able to live my life in a normal fashion. Telltale paranoia about complete strangers laughing and pointing all but disappeared. In the fall of 2004 I thought I was cured all together. I never experienced the creases or the drooling for a period of months. My sagging self esteem returned and I enjoyed normal pleasures such as sitting in a chair with my legs tucked under my chin. I could cross my legs when sitting down since they weren't so swollen as to hinder that flexibility. When I passed a full length mirror, I didn't scream in horror....I actually sought them out on occasion to admire my symptom-free body.
Oh- the scars were still there.....emotionally and physically. You could see the red lines of stretch marks on my skin and I still got a little teary every time I watched Shallow Hal, but they were the tears akin to those of a recovering alcoholic who has just recieved their 1 year chip.
When the disease returns (as it inevidibly does), I attempt to make it less noticable by tanning my disfigured shape. It's like a pork chop on the grill...much more attractive when it is golden brown. Thing is, it's still a pork chop with all the fat and calories of the lily white one that was tossed over charcoal just a few minutes before! (But it DOES look more appetizing!)
I know the technology is out there to beat this disease....to send it into remission forever. I know all the 'drugs' to take to make the symptoms subside, but I also know, that as with so many other diseases, there is only one sure fire cure - prayer. During my times of remission, I know that I had leaned on the Lord for power and He willingly gave it to me. I know He wants me to be cured and happy and symptom free. All I need to do is ask and then follow.
posted by Lori Anne | Sunday, February 26, 2006
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