Hands Off!

Back from my official Fat Old Mom's weekend 2005, I learned something very important. The Fat Old Moms were sitting around the kitchen table in the morning, rooting through the 'dumb laws' in Deuteronomy looking for a loophole in the whole tattoo rule (it has been a bit of a tradition for someone to get 'inked' on a weekend, and we were afraid that we were heathens because of it). We stumbled across this passage and couldn't believe our eyes. Remember ladies and gents- this is biblical and you had better listen.

Deuteronomy 25:11-12 states: If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity!

I'm as shocked as you, but we explored at least four translations and came up with the same thing. As we giggled and snorted over this, we realized that it must have been quite a problem for God to actually have to address it. Erica likened it to Bill Engvall's "Here's Your Sign" stuff.....you know- Don't use a blow dryer while in the bathtub....Don't dispense shaving cream over an open flame.....that kind of stuff. It's only a rule because it was interfering with the natural order of things. I guess you can't just have women running around grabbing men by their privates, so God had someone write it down and issued a pretty harsh punishment for it.

Really though, if you think about it, it has nothing to do with Kung Fu grip- it has more to do with the male ego. It has to do with men being the superior beings and the leaders of our household. Now I have had MAJOR issues with this concept. I am fiercely independent by nature and the thought of giving up control to a man was surreal to me. When my walk became stronger, and I began to realize my place in the household, I wrestled with this concept more than most women I think. How was I supposed to let a person who didn't have the forethought to put a gallon of gas in his car so he could get back to the gas station actually be in charge of me, three kids and our spiritual well being? If he can't get his dirty underwear in the hamper, how is he supposed to lead the parade to eternal salvation?

I teased John relentlessly. He always gave me such good material. I come from a family of 'teasers', so it was natural for me to find a person's weakness and peck at it until they bled. My daughter found me a bumper sticker that says, "I'm not mean. You're just a sissy." She said it was ME!!! I never meant to hurt him. I always thought I was funny and I always got a laugh, but it was as damaging to his male ego as if I had grabbed his opponent by the inseam and 'saved the day'. Perhaps God was protecting men and their egos since He knew He had created them to be so fragile. All I know is that now that I have backed off from poking at my husband, our relationship has mellowed out quite a bit. I still get him every once and awhile with a sarcastic comment, but I PROMISE I won't ever jump into the fray for him. I'd like to keep my hands right where they are....attached to my arms!