Loving the Unloveable

(I'm back...)
It is my nature to love the unloveable. As a teenager, the TV series "Beauty and the Beast" was popular. Linda Hamilton (of Terminator fame) was a woman who fell in love with Ron Perlman who had the face of a lion. He lived in a subway and they carried on this tender romance and connection. At the time, my mother told me I was like her character and would love a man who others did not see as typical. As a teenager, I didn't understand, and I'm sure my mother was not prepared for the prophecy of her words when I called home at 22 to announce I was marrying a man who was in prison.


It was a hard call to make since I had been raised a 'good girl' and the choices in my life were usually well thought out and in line with what Mom and God wanted for me. I had begun corresponding with this man as an act of kindness. I was single and alone and living far from home. When I was asked if I would like to write to this man in prison, I thought, "Sure. I could take a little time to brighten someone's day." At this point, I had told my mom and she jokingly said, "Don't fall in love with him!"

Imagine her surprise when a mere 3 months later she was helping me plan a jailhouse wedding. I was able to invite 10 people, and my family was gracious. As weddings go- it wasn't typical. We had pictures taken with a Polaroid, our wedding cake was from a rotating vending machine, my flowers had to be searched and my 75 year old grandmother had to be frisked by a burly prison guard (she claims she didn't mind!)

The day was beautiful. If it hadn't been for the razor wire around the 'yard', you would never know we were in a minimum security facility on the west coast of Michigan. I was SO happy. I know I would have to wait for my groom for at least another year and a half to come home, but I didn't care. We were so in love. He was just a guy who made a mistake. I didn't excuse him for that. I loved him for the man he was at the moment. I loved the fact that he was taking college classes and getting a 4.0. I loved him for his knowledge of the Bible. I loved him for his work ethic. He worked full time in prison for a mere pennies an hour. He loved me and appreciated me. He wrote me volumes telling me so. He wrote me poetry and used his limited resources and imagination to surprise me with special gifts...like a ring woven from his own hair that fit my finger exactly because he had sneakily measured it on one of our almost daily visits. He made me feel like a princess.

When he finally DID come home, 2 1/2 years later, he was not that same man. He was scared of life. He was intimidated by the freedom he had so desperately desired. He couldn't cope. We were young and we were worldly. I didn't make wise choices and that hurt him. We hurt each other. We divorced.

I was asked many times after we split if I regretted my time with him. I always answered, "NO!" Without our circumstances, I would never have known how strong I could be. I wouldn't have a clue about commitment and dedication. I wouldn't have ever been loved like that. I wouldn't be able to sympathize with those in our society who were not raised in the privilege I had known (even though I didn't realize it when I was growing up!) I also know that I brought to his life a light and a hope that good people do exist. That had never been his experience. He was raised in a horribly dysfunctional family unit and had faced every imaginable horror that could befall a child. I hadn't ever had to live with those fears.

Society saw him as unloveable, much as we are viewed in that regard in the light of our sin. By those standards, we all fall short. We are all facing charges when it comes to our daily life. We all make unwise choices. Some of us make choices that seem more obviously wrong than others, but technically, they are all the same. All I can say is that I am glad that God chooses to love the unloveable!